get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
