Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
