We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
