I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
