WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
