Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
