I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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