It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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