I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
