Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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