Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
