Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
