He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
