the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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