they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
