I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
