He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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