apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
