Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
only if we run a train.
done.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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