You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
