chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
