just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
