Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
