i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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