my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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