apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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