At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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