she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
