we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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