So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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