That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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