I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
