We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
