just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
