White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
