I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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