Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
