So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
