After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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