I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
