??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
