I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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