don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
