I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
