and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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