We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
