He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
