Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
