Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
