votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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