I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize