is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
