Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
