i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
